Ok, this isn't easy for me to talk about. I'm a little humiliated and ashamed of it. After reading some posts here, this may be the only place I can talk about it without serious judgement and ridicule. I'm still not sure it is the best idea! But, I have a thing for bestiality that is confusing to say the least.
My first experience was not planned, or wanted. It just kinda happened! I used to fool around with this guy that was several years older than me. He was kinda worthless and still lived at home. But, when you live in the middle of nowhere choices are limited. The only thing he had going for him was the fact he was into kinky stuff that I enjoyed. Whenever he had the house to himself, he would invite me over. I would come up with some excuse and usually end up spending as many nights as I could over there. He had no problem playing rough and holding me captive the whole time. And, I loved it! Too much! It's become an obsession! My lowest and most degraded and helpless times, are the times I feel whole! The only time I feel whole! Even though I didn't realize it at that moment, this was one of those times.
He had the house to himself for the weekend so I went to stay with him. As far as anyone else knew, I was with a friend camping at a state park. In reality, I was getting my kink on! I showed up early Friday and we had begun play right from the start! By that, I mean! He had jumped me at the door! Pinned me down! Ripped and cut my clothes off! And, had me cuffed and collared within seconds of me walking in. That was basically our whole relationship! Animalistic rough sex slave fun!
We had been playing and fucking from that point on. Later on that day he locked me in this small dog cage that was for his mom's two little dogs. It was tight, but he still thought there was too much room because I was able to pull my ass away when he whipped or fucked me in it. So, he shoved this good size stuffed panda in there with me. It was filthy, stunk and all around disgusting! It was also a hump you for their other two large male dogs. I was not at all happy about it. But, that was kinda part of the game.
He let me out and made me crawl over to this solid metal table he like binding me too. It was heavy black metal with a glass top he could remove. He like it because my tits were still exposed and would hand down below. I would lay over it. My wrists and arms would be tied to the front legs. My chin would hang off the end of it. My ass would hang over the back. He usually put a pillow under my waist and stomach so the bar on the back wouldn't be so uncomfortable. This time he got lazy and just grabbed the same stuffed panda he shoved in the cage with me. He wouldn't pull me knees forward around the table to bind my ankles because if he left me on my knees, I would kick too much. Which, also started him tying my knees to my breast to really keep me from struggling. With the way I was tied, and the weight of the table I couldn't hardly move much else but my head.
He was on his knees behind me fucking me when the phone rang. It was his mom reminding him to put her dog up and let the other dogs in before the storm. He was almost 30 and his mom didn't trust him to even do that right. When I said he was worthless, I meant it! So, he left me there and went and called for the outside dogs. They ran in immediately and went right for his mom's little dogs. Not exactly attacking them or anything. But, all over them! I thought they wanted to play! Which, in a way, I guess they did!
He takes off chasing the little dogs down and trying to get them away from the big dogs. A couple of seconds later, the two big dogs come back down the hall. They immediately run straight up to me, licking and sniffing me in very inappropriate areas. I don't know if they were aiming for me, or the stuffed panda! But, they were both on top of me fighting for the best position. I'm sure you can guess why!
I'm freaking out at this point! The guy I was with had disappeared and there was one too many close calls. I started screaming for him! I could hear him yelling something back. He was in the bathroom and just left me there until he finished. He left me there a little too long and the close calls became very real! One of them managed to find the right spot before he came back out. I was yelling so much, I was almost horse the next day. But,it didn't matter! The guy came out and started laughing! He just sat down and started teasing me and letting them do it. I kept screaming at him and all he did was laugh and put a gag on me. He let it go on for hours! Laughing the whole time! I didn't find it quite as funny! At the time I was humiliated, ashamed, angry and a little grossed out!
The two dogs didn't have very good aim. They didn't seem to care what part of me they were humping. They did go for the back of me and it seemed to be their first target. But, if they missed they didn't care. Head! Shoulder! It didn't matter! I was literally covered in dog come! And, I did get the Knott once! But for the most part, they just went wherever they could. Their aim did get better as the weekend went on! I protested it the whole time, but because of how we played it didn't matter and I had no choice in it. I think he spent more time beating off and watching them than he did actually fucking me. At the time it made me mad! 8t was also one of the most shameful feelings I had experienced by that time. I hated myself for every orgasm I had from them. And the first time one of them managed to actually Knott in my ass, I thought they were going to pull me inside out. Most of the time I was able to fight them and keep them out. But, after hours on end there wasn't much fight left in me. It was just easier to give in.
By the end of it I told myself I would never go back. I meant it too! But, over the next few days I couldn't stop thinking about it and reliving every humiliating moment. Then I found myself getting turned in by it all! The shame! The humiliation! The disgust! Everything but the actual act itself! The idea of being forced and helpless to it! Knowing I had no control and was hopeless to stop it. Having so many unwanted orgasms and unable to control it. It all turned me on. It wasn't more than a week before I found myself pleasuring myself to the memory and idea of what had happened. Even picturing myself knotted and stuck with no escape. It was confusing and I felt guilty every time I came to the thought of it.
It wasn't more than three weeks before I found myself answering his text and going back. When he promised not to do it again I felt relieved and disappointed. My reply to him was, strap me down and I can't say, no. He did just that! It became a serious obsession of his. It was literally the only thing he wanted to do. I had to beg for anything else. It was so bad, he almost killed me a couple of times. I'm not really sure I want to tell you how! It's pretty bad! But, ok!
So, he had found a way to strap me down over a table on my back. He would lean my head back and down with my hair tied underneath to keep it there. He forced an open mouth gag in me and let the in. Like I said, they didn't really care what part of me they were humping. So, yes! My mouth became another hole. When they could find it! Most of the time it was ok! Nasty and shameful! But, ok! There were three times things went so wrong. One in particular!
Here is a good warning for anyone playing knotty! Be careful when it comes to open mouth gags and bondage when doing this. Trust me when I say, things can go wrong fast! The first couple of times it wasn't too bad! It wasn't good! But, it was kinda hot in a scary terrifying humiliating way. The smaller of the two big dogs knotted inside my mouth! Seriously! Sounds crazy, but it happened! He got stuck in my mouth and throat. Even if I didn't have the gag in he was so big my mouth felt stretched as far as it could. Or, so I thought! It was all but impossible to breath. I can only imagine it felt similar to what having an asthma attack might feel like. Gasping for air! Barley getting any! Extremely light headed! Unable to swallow! Heart pounding! Panicking! And when he started cumming it was what I imagine drowning might feel like. Coughing and gasping! Cum coming out my nose! Couldn't breath at all! It was scary! The first time felt like forever! The second time was even worse! It lasted the better part of 10 minutes at least. He wasn't the problem! That was horrible but survivable! The other dog was a while different story!
They may have been similar in body size. But, the other dog was quite a bit bigger in other areas. Good for something's! Anal and oral was not on that list. The ass was a shocker! Him trying to pull away was a little painful But, my mouth was a very horrifying experience. He swelled up and I thought he was going to dislocate my jaw. And, his cock was so big that I couldn't breath at all! It was the scariest thing ever! I'm chocking and can't even move to try! He's stuck and cumming to the point I could fill it and couldn't swallow. I remember struggling! I remember the guy undoing the gag! I remember the dog trying to pull away! I remember the guy trying to get him out! I think I remember felling my jaw pop! But, the last thing I remember is everything going blurry! Feeling very light headed! Then, the next thing I remember is the guy standing over me trying to wake me up. I passed clean out! I woke up with a headache, sore jaw and throat! I wasn't even sure where I was at first! And, I'm guessing the dog pulled away too soon because I tasted blood and he was laying in the corner licking himself. All I know, is that was the last time the guy let them knott in my mouth. Though, it wasn't my last! And, it wasn't my last close call either. I quit tell guys about having my mouth knotted because they don't care about the consequences and all have to see it for themselves. While there is some thrill in it! There is a lot more fear and shame! Fear being the key word!
After that things because a little more shameful. Some of it was self inflicted! I did enjoy being bound and helpless to it much more than the alternative. Which is doing it without bondage. Even worse! Was me experimenting willingly on my own. I can't doing it willingly. I have tried several times but the shame of knowing that I'm doing it without any reason other than my own self pleasure is too much. Afterwards, I'm not aroused by it! I just feel complete and total shame. It's hard to explain! But, I need to have something pushing me into it to find and type of pleasure in it when it's over. It's been some time since I've even tried it alone and willingly because of it. It just feels wrong to me.
I have this theory! I think being bound and helpless to it helps me justify the act. Makes me feel like there was no hope. That I had no free choice in it at all. The level of pleasure from it seems greater than the level of shame. The next closest thing is being forced in some way other than bondage. Tortured and punished into doing things with animals. Like the guy I have been talking about. Towards the end he discovered he could get me to do it by whipping me with a belt, or causing a lot of pain. He had me performing in his command in a way. The shame was som much greater having to stay on all fours and allow them to do it to avoid further torture and punishment. It was still somewhat willing in a way. Even if I was forced I to it! And the other things! Like oral! And, I don't want to say it because it disgusts me more than the other acts. But, kissing and making out with them. Or, attempting to while they slobbered all over my face. Without bondage it felt soo wrong! But, at the same time! Being forced I still found some pleasure behind it. It's hard to explain and is something you would have to have experienced to understand fully.
Since then there have been more experiences. I found that admitting this to almost any guy makes them want to see it for themselves. When you live in the country and almost everyone around you owns some type of animal, things happen. So far my list includes horses, donkeys, miniatures, goats, a bull and a hog! And, a whole lot of dogs! All of which I am ashamed of. Not all went so well! Some were just scary and dangerous! Other's creepy and disgusting! But, all of them left me feeling this shameful arousal that is hard for me to understand. Before I get into those experiences! Let's see how this go over first. I'm scared and nervous to see what reactions I will get. Even if it looks like it is acceptable to talk about here.
